It’s Decorative Gourd Season, M*********ers

With the leaves beginning to turn and the air crisp, so it’s time to take a peak at Colin Nissan’s now classic and very NSFW piece for McSweeney’s, “It’s Decorative Gourd Season, M*********ers.”  

It begins,

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.

Yes, there’s a lot more.

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers. 

[HT @Kottke; image: BigStock.com]